Perfection

I read a blog post from a blog I usually read everyday, and it really struck a cord with me. So in honor of that, I am going to take a second to be “real”. The post that I read was actually inspired by another post. (See links at end of post if interested.) These posts are about perfection and how we all try to look like we always have it all together. So, I realize that my blog is really positive and I try to be funny and share all the positive things in my life. But today, I am going to let you know that I don’t have it all together. I try really, really hard, but sometimes (or a lot of the time) I just don’t measure up. I have a lot going on with a full time job, taking classes, house work, pregnancy, and not to mention the Big D. When others ask how I’m doing I say fine or great, but sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Sometimes I am scared. Sometimes I am uncertain. But I know it’s normal to feel this way and I shouldn’t feel bad about it and no one else should either.



When you ask how someone is doing, really listen to the answer. That standard answer of “fine” probably means “Well, you probably don’t want to know how I’m really doing, so I’ll just say fine.” We should all be an ear to someone else who may not be “fine.”


Starting my own blog and reading others blogs has made me feel much more normal. We all struggle with the same things, we aren’t perfect and we try really hard to make others think we are. Even if I do everything “right” with my diabetes, crap still ensues. Cannulas bend, stress crops up, and well, life just generally happens. Knowing other people are going through the same crap makes me feel better. I think it will make you feel better too. :)






Link to original post: The disease called "Perfection"






Link to post inspired by original post: Using the F-word



**Note: sorry for my overuse of the word "post" :)

16 week update (4 days late)

Well, today I am 16 weeks, 4 days pregnant. I apologize for not having a 16 week “bump” picture. I kept remembering when I looked awful and I didn’t want to see another bad picture of myself (selfish I know). The pregnancy seems to be going by much faster now than the first part of the pregnancy did. That first trimester seemed like an eternity, but this past month has flown by. I am still anxiously awaiting the ultrasound where I find out if Betus the Fetus is a boy or a girl. Can’t wait for that, only 2 weeks and 3 days, but who’s counting, right?!

I haven’t talked about my pregnancy symptoms very much, but one of the worst ones is the acne. I have never had skin this bad in my whole life, not even during puberty. It’s awful! I get it not only on my face, but the worst is my neck and I also get it on my back and chest. Speaking of my chest…it’s gotten huge (well at least for me, no offense to you big breasted women out there)! I’ve never had boobs like this and I think they are still getting bigger, which sucks since I bought a new bra last week and it already seems tighter. I have gone from a 32B to a 34C! How crazy is that?!

I was very excited to reach the 16 week mark because that is when some women feel the baby move for the first time. It says in my pregnancy books you will feel the baby move for the first time anywhere between 16 and 22 weeks. I have had some movement, but I’m unsure it’s just normal stomach movements (ie: grumbling, digestion, gas….) or the baby. I think I will have to wait for a good swift kick before I can be sure it’s the baby, otherwise I keep talking myself out of it.

My next doctor’s appointment is October 14th. Can’t wait! I, unlike most of my diabetic mommy online pals, have only had 1 ultrasound and that was at 7 weeks, which means I haven’t seen this child since it looked like a tadpole (tail and all). I am very excited to see an ultrasound that resembles a baby. I am looking forward to seeing those arms and legs, head, hands…etc. It will be so crazy to see that profile! Ahhh! So exciting!

My last post I mentioned that my blood sugar numbers had been creeping up, but it turns out when I changed my pump I had a bent cannula (the small tube that stays under my skin after the needle is retracted). Thank goodness! So my numbers have been better since that pump change and each subsequent pump change. No insulin resistance yet, YAY!

Results

I got my results back from the A&P I Lecture test and Lab test I took last Thursday. I’m happy to say I did pretty well. I got a 92 on the lecture test and a 91 on the lab test. I also got the 10 point extra credit (drawing of an animal cell with 10 organelles and their functions). So, I’m doing pretty well in the class, thank goodness. Only problem is I haven’t looked at anything A&P related since studying for my test. Oops! As I was looking for my backpack this morning, I found it still in my car (where it had been since my test).


It seems I always do this, I feel like I’ve earned a break after an exam, which is stupid. I still have the rest of the semester to go and had a chapter to read before the class I had this morning. Maybe one day I’ll learn that the class does indeed continue even after an exam. Oh well, hoping to get back on track this week. But, getting back on track this week will be difficult because all the new fall episodes of my favorite shows are starting back up, GEEZ! Hopefully I can exhibit some sort of self control. That’s what the DVR is for. :)

I’ve also been very tired this week. I didn’t rest enough this weekend. We went out for my birthday on Friday night with friends. We had dinner at Olive Garden (never-ending pasta bowl, breadsticks, and salad, YUM! ) and my blood sugars actually behaved, what a nice birthday present! We then went to the bowling alley where we bowled and did a little karaoke. The karaoke was “sad”. By “sad” I mean, lights on, a scattering of drunk older people, slow depressing song choices and monotone singing. Cary sang “Sweet Caroline” and I sang “Sweet Home Alabama.” We had a good time, but next time we will be going to Karaoke bar instead of the bowling alley to do karaoke. Lesson learned. We ended up getting home at about midnight and I didn’t fall asleep until about 2:00am. I can’t remember the last time I stayed up that late. This messed me up for the rest of the weekend. We had to get up early on Sunday morning because it is our week to teach Sunday school. I did take a little nap on Sunday but it wasn’t enough to recover. I’m a little less tired today, but I have to work on Saturday so the only day I have off is Sunday, blah!

On the diabetes front, my blood sugars have been creeping up on me. I’m not sure if it’s just a bad pump site or if the insulin resistance of the 2nd trimester is beginning. Hopefully it’s just the pump site because my numbers have been higher since I changed it on Sunday and it seems like I’ve had a much larger appetite this week. It’s time to change the pump site again tonight, hopefully better blood sugar results will follow.

Roll Tide, Baby!

My parents got me a new Bama shirt for my birthday. Here it is:

Front view

Side view

The shirt is a little big now which is good, I have plenty of room to grow and football season is just beginning! Bama beat Duke today 62-13, ROLL TIDE, BABY!!!!

Note: It seems like I always think to take pictures at the end of the day (or night) when I look terrible. I'll try to post a decent looking pic soon. Maybe I should just crop my face out. :)

It’s been a while

I have been trying to post at least twice a week, but I haven’t posted since last Thursday. I had my first Anatomy and Physiology lecture and lab tests today. I have been studying continuously since this past weekend until I took my first test at 7:45am this morning. I’m glad these tests are over. I was so completely stressed out about these tests, it was ridiculous. I guess it’s been way too long since I had to take a test. I’ve never been so nervous to take a test. I think I did pretty well. I know I did better on the lecture test than the lab test, mainly because the lecture test was scantron (ie. Multiple choice) and the lab test was completely fill in the blank, answer/question (terrifying). So glad it’s over.

On the pregnancy front, I am 15 weeks today! I am feeling better overall, not so tired. I even did laundry for the first time since I’ve been pregnant. Boy was Cary happy. J I’m tired right now, but I’m sure it’s because I couldn’t go to sleep last night thinking of things like the cell model, skin model and tissues…etc, etc, etc. I got some good sleep from about 2:30-6am, that was it.

Our house is a disaster right now, well the upstairs anyway. We live in a house that was built in 1920, which means we have plaster walls. The plaster started to peel on our bedroom wall. Cary scraped it, sanded it and patched it. Now, the whole room needs to be painted. The other bedroom upstairs is a “lovely” shade of dark green with a teddy bear border across the middle of the wall (Yes, it’s as pretty as it sounds.) Cary has now removed the border. (It only took us 4 years to tackle this project.) This room also needs to painted. Cary began to paint on Saturday but the paint sprayer kept getting clogged and now both rooms have some white paint on the walls, furniture covered with tarps, and furniture moved to the hallway. I hate living in a chaotic mess. Hopefully something will get finished soon.

Here is my 15 week belly picture:

Also, tomorrow is my birthday! I will be 29! When I say “I’m going to be 29” it reminds me of people who are definitely over the age of 29 but continue to say they are turning 29 every year. I promise this is not the case. I was born in 1981, so you do the math. Next year I will not only be 30, but I will also be a MOTHER…wow, how about that for a double dose of OLD. J  

3rd Doctors Appointment/14 weeks

I am 14 weeks pregnant today! I had my 3^rd Doctors Appointment this afternoon. It went great: good urine specimen, got weighed (I’ve gained 4 pounds.), perfect blood pressure and (my favorite part) got to hear the heartbeat again. The heart rate was 161. The doctor is pretty sure it’s a girl based on the heart rate. He said that 2/3 of the babies he delivers with that heart rate are girls. I’ll have to wait another 5 weeks to find out for sure. This is the second comment he has made about it being a girl, so I’ve gotten used to the idea. If it ends up being up boy I think I will be in shock. I don’t care either way, I just want to know….NOW.  Most gender predictor tests found online also use the heart rate as a gender predictor. They say that if your baby’s heart rate is over 140, it will be a girl. We’ll have to wait and see. Cary said it could just be an ADD boy.  Since this child is related to Cary that could definitely be true. 

My next appointment is October 14^th. I will be 19 weeks. I will get to have an ultrasound to determine the sex. I was hoping to have it done the week before because my cousin is getting married 10/10/10 and I will be with family that weekend. It’s so much more fun to announce exciting news in person. Oh well.

I wore a dress today that my sister-in-law sent me (Thank you Laura for the maternity clothes!). It made me really look pregnant, not just like I had a chubby tummy. It’s more the way the dress hangs than anything, but it’s still pretty cool. I didn’t realize it until I caught a side view of myself in a window and was like “Whoa, is that me?!” I’ve always heard from pregnant women that they are treated so well during pregnancy. Everyone I’ve come in contact with today has been especially nice, I guess it’s because I actually look pregnant. (Bonus!)

A friend asked me Sunday “Don’t you just love being pregnant?” At the time I said “No” because I just felt exhausted and just generally terrible and have felt that way for about 7 weeks, but now I think I am enjoying it a lot more. Amazing how just a few days have changed my whole attitude. Ahhh, Hormones! 

Here is a picture of me in the dress I wore today and a picture in a t-shirt for comparison. I definitely look more pregnant in the dress. Yay for baby bump! 

A Diabetes Meme

A Diabetes Meme, courtesy of Kerri at six until me

What type of diabetes do you have: Type 1


When were you diagnosed: November 15, 1999


What's your current blood sugar: I just had an awful low, started at 61, dropped to 40 and now I’m on my way back up. That sucked.


What kind of meter do you use: One Touch UltraMini


How many times a day do you test your blood sugar: 10-12


What's a "high" number for you: Anything over 140 mg/dl.


What's do you consider "low": Anything under 65 mg/dl.


What's your favorite low blood sugar reaction treater: I mostly use juice boxes (the size for toddlers, 15 carbs) or Smarties. I hate Smarties. My favorite treater would be orange juice.


Describe your dream endo: Non-judgmental, helpful and Diabetic.


What's your biggest diabetes achievement: Getting pregnant.


What's your biggest diabetes-related fear: Not being able to treat a low BS reaction in time.


Who's on your support team: My husband, parents, and close friends.


Do you think there will be a cure in your lifetime: Honestly, no I don’t. I have always heard “in the next 5-10 years” for too many years now.


What is a "cure" to you: To have my body produce insulin again.


The most annoying thing people say to you about your diabetes is: "You don’t’ look like you have Diabetes." (What am I supposed to look like?)


What is the most common misconception about diabetes: That my type 1 diabetes can be controlled with diet and exercise. I hate that misconception. As if I'm on insulin because I didn't work hard enough or something. Or as if a healthy diet and regular exercise are only recommended for diabetics. (Taken from Kerri at sixuntilme.com, I completely agree!!!)


If you could say one thing to your pancreas, what would it be: "Why did you decide to stop producing insulin?”

Ignorance is NOT Bliss

Sometimes people can be so ignorant and the funny (or not so funny) thing is they think they know what they are talking about. In the past few weeks, I’ve heard some ridiculous diabetes related comments. Some, let’s say, not so nice comments. Granted I could have avoided these comments had I not shared the fact that I am diabetic, but just ask my husband, I like to share information and most of the time it’s personal.

Situation #1: I am standing in line for a pasta dish in our work cafeteria. The man asks if I would like bread, I say no. He gives me a puzzling look to which I feel I must reply “I don’t need those carbs, I am diabetic.” (of course I am already getting pasta. J )  He says “You don’t look diabetic.”

Reaction: The only thing I could get out (as dumbfounded as I was) was that “I’m Type I.” AS IF every diabetic person is FAT?! Really? If I’m diabetic, I must be fat or even obese?! What a stupid stereotype! Just because I am not fat, I can’t be diabetic. Come ‘on! I guess maybe he thought he was giving me a compliment.

Situation #2: I am in lab class (today actually), and we (a group of 5-7 people) were looking at a model of the human body. The girl points to the pancreas and says “This is the pancreas, it makes hormones such as insulin.” I say “Well mine doesn’t, I’m diabetic…ha ha.” She looks at me and says “You’re too young to have diabetes.”

Reaction: Once again I am dumbfounded and all I can get out is “I’m Type I.” (This seems to be my go-to response as if anyone probably even knows what Type I is and as if that response actually explains why I’m not too young to have diabetes.) AS IF anyone is too young to have diabetes?! You can get diabetes no matter how old or young you are! AHHHH!!!! Why can’t I think of intelligent things to say in the moment?

So what have we learned today? Just because most of the commercials geared toward diabetics involve old or overweight people DOES NOT MEAN that either one is a requirement to have diabetes. You can get diabetes no matter what you have or haven’t done, no matter how fat or thin, no matter how old or young. While some diabetes is preventable (or can be delayed), not all of it can.

I didn’t do anything to get diabetes. I have an autoimmune disease where for some reason my body has decided to attack and destroy the insulin-producing beta cells of my pancreas. Only 5-10% of people with diabetes have this form of the disease, so I guess I am pretty special. But really people, don’t make comments on things you know very little about. It really annoys me (if you couldn’t tell)!!! You are basically looking at me and thinking: Wow, she’s so young and already has diabetes, she must really not take care of herself. This is NOT the case. Your ignorance is not my bliss!